Even if my mom doesn't fully approve of one of my friends, she lets me still at least be friends with the person for a while.I think she wants me to realize for myself if the people around me are good friends and good influences.Whether it's a new boyfriend who seems like he's bad news or a friend who sets off that little warning light in your brain, deciding how to handle these kinds of situations is one of the biggest struggles I've heard moms talk about.On the one hand, because you're such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl (believe me, when I've heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I've felt the exact same way! But at the same time, you don't want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. When I received this question from a Huff Post reader, it took me back to two particular times when my own mom and I were facing this issue.But hopefully at least one of these ideas will resonate for you.1) Try to see what your daughter sees in this person. Fw-300 #ya-qn-sort h2 /* Breadcrumb */ #ya-question-breadcrumb #ya-question-breadcrumb i #ya-question-breadcrumb a #bc .ya-q-full-text, .ya-q-text #ya-question-detail h1 html[lang="zh-Hant-TW"] .ya-q-full-text, html[lang="zh-Hant-TW"] .ya-q-text, html[lang="zh-Hant-HK"] .ya-q-full-text, html[lang="zh-Hant-HK"] .ya-q-text html[lang="zh-Hant-TW"] #ya-question-detail h1, html[lang="zh-Hant-HK"] #ya-question-detail h1 #Stencil . Bdend-1g /* Trending Now */ /* Center Rail */ #ya-center-rail .profile-banner-default .ya-ba-title #Stencil . Bgc-lgr #ya-best-answer, #ya-qpage-msg, #ya-question-detail, li.ya-other-answer .tupwrap .comment-text /* Right Rail */ #Stencil . Bxsh-003-prpl #yai-q-answer, #ya-trending, #ya-related-questions h2. Fw-300 .qstn-title #ya-trending-questions-show-more, #ya-related-questions-show-more #ya-trending-questions-more, #ya-related-questions-more /* DMROS */ .
I get how hard it must be not to want to yell, "" or to unilaterally ban the person from your daughter's life.Eighteen year-old Taryn shared, "I became friends with this girl a couple of years ago that my mom never liked.She was flaky and would often cancel plans that I'd been looking forward to, but I had so much fun with her and felt like she really 'got' me in a way that no other friend ever had before." What is it that your daughter likes/loves about this person?If you're reading this, I'm guessing you know exactly the kind of tension I'm talking about!It can be so painful and frustrating, and even if your daughter knows deep down that her mom is right (like I did), she often still needs to experience the relationship and its consequences herself before she'll admit it.
Bottom line: your girls want you to give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that they'll make good decisions. If your daughter comes to you and wants your opinion or advice on this person, use the opportunity to empower her by saying, "I'm not in love with this friend of yours, but I trust that you will figure out how to deal with them.