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Some women report masturbating anally on their own or engaging in anal penetration with female partners, meaning it is possible to achieve pleasure from anal sex that has nothing to do with the involvement of men.
Then there are women like me who self-identify as masochists and for whom anal sex is enjoyable precisely because it is an act of suffering.
I’m not sure anal sex will ever feel let’s say “soothing” to me in the way that cunnilingus does, but it is the pain, the sacrifice and the extremism of it that turns me on. Don’t judge.) The idea that only men are sexual thrill-seekers while women are tasked with the duty of either fending off or reluctantly indulging their porn-like preferences is just wrong and unfair.
Plenty of women also enjoy the psychological thrill of sex that is different.
Another complaint the original Urban Dater author had was that many guys subscribe to a double-standard regarding anal penetration.
“I know men that freak out when people even joke about going near their anal cavity,” she writes, “yet have no problem encouraging a woman to take it up the ass.” I actually tend to agree with her on this particular gripe, although I believe there is a far more complex system at work here for which it is not entirely fair to blame men as individuals.
Mostly the article apologizes for the sex-negativity that is squicking another’s squee and for the fact that the original piece relied heavily on anecdotal evidence that is contrary to what actual statistics about anal sex have to say.
It’s about accepting your partner’s (and your own) full self in bodily form.
If you can’t accept and love someone’s whole body, how are you ever going to accept and love their whole heart? Many times what’s in people’s hearts is far dirtier and more shameful than what’s in their assholes.
When I let a partner into my ass, or when I show them that I’m not afraid of theirs, what I’m so often saying without words is I hope there is nothing with which we cannot trust each other.
But if a man acts downright afraid of his own asshole, to me that signals a kind of insecurity and discomfort that I find unattractive in a potential partner.
So yeah, I vote with my vag in cases like those and instead choose to fuck people who are more comfortable with themselves, which is my prerogative as well as the author’s in selecting our respective partners.
While there seems to be no data explicitly on female anal orgasms (shocking, I know.